Usually, I would start this post with excuses and how I have been busy, but then I thought hold on, we are raising a toddler! I have been busy! I tend to write early Saturday mornings and it took me a minute to figure out that early Saturday mornings are prime alone time when you are raising a toddler. Toddlers eh, it's just another level, I mean that literally by the way. It is another level of raising a child, we have left that baby goo gaa gaa phase behind, she is a toddler now.
I can’t believe we thought she was a chill baby.
Tiwa has saying this for 37 days straight. I don’t even think we got it wrong because AJ is a chilled person, but you cannot have a chilled toddler, that’s an oxymoron. AJ is chilled in nature, from what I know of her so far (because she can upgrade her operating system at a moment’s notice, and I am looking at her like when did this one start?) I know she won’t climb the TV shelve and jump. She is risk-averse. She waits till the last step on the staircase to “jump”. Often, I want to tell her if e sure for you go back up 5 steps and jump. She has not broken anything in the house. I have not come into the kitchen to see her covered in poundo powder. We can take her out and have a relatively chilled time. I have seen the videos of other toddlers; I know it could have been worse (although there was the tesco incident but that was on us because why was she not strapped inside the trolley).
But there is no such thing as a chilled toddler, being a toddler means you are on a spectrum of…of something…some type of fuckery. Even if the toddler is a genius, it is still on the toddler spectrum of fuckery (TSF) because imagine a toddler that knows more than you. A toddler that is aware that you are an idiot, and you are just making it up as you go. A toddler correcting your every mistake. What a life!
AJ is on this TSF, it is just the chilled end of the spectrum because even if your toddler is at the chilliest end you will still find yourself asking the core questions that all parents of a toddler must ask multiple times a day.
WHY?
Why are you crying?
The chillier your toddler is the less why you tend to ask, so for us, it is almost always why are you crying and not why is your face covered with Elubo. Then there is:
WHAT?
What is wrong/ what is wrong with you?
Let us start with “why are you crying?”. The answer to this for novice parents is “why not?”. Why shouldn’t they cry, the idea of accepting that the situation is not in their control is alien to them so they gats cry. Knowing this does not make it any less infuriating by the way and the rate at which they upgrade their operating system does not help. One day she is into trousers and the next day if it's not a “princess dress” it is bedlam.
God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle though so he gave all parents the ability to tune out the cries of their toddlers. I used to judge parents when their children were hysterical. I know better now. They simply can’t hear them, that shit is background noise.
There was a night AJ was being hysterical and I thought she was in some physical pain, I got to her room, and I saw Tiwa casually reading her Kindle.
Why is she crying?
I honestly don’t know. She was fine 20 secs ago.
AJ what is wrong?
Her decibel simply went up.
Something is clearly wrong though.
Ope, all I did was change her into her pyjamas, she does this sometimes to stall her bedtime. Leave her she will cry, knock herself out, and come for a cuddle at which point she will sleep off.
The way Tiwa cooly explained the process suggested to me that they have an understanding, so I left. Less than 5 mins later it was peaceful again and I went to check on her. She was on Tiwa's chest and Tiwa looked at me like.
It is exhausting mehn. I am sure it is rewarding, there are so many sweet moments throughout the day to make it worth it. A couple of nights ago I told her I loved her, and she replied with luff you daddy…very much. It was the few seconds pause before the very much that did it for me. So, it is definitely rewarding, but it is exhausting. Some people have two toddlers yall. Two of these, at the same time, in the same house. What a life.