Two Concerts: Linkin Park Tribute Band

Part 1

We have not really been to the cinema this year because time has become a premium and Hollywood is going through a golden age of lazy writing, which means when we do get free time, spending it to watch one of the dead movies released this year feels like a daft decision.

We have started respecting our free time, which was why I thought it would be a good idea to go see a Linkin Park Tribute band play in Sheffield. Tiwa is also a big Linkin Park fan, this is a crucial piece of information, I just didn't pick a concert at random because I didn't want to go see The Marvels in Cineworld! On the other hand, I know little about Linkin Park, apart from the fact that they had some fire collaboration with Jay-Z and another with Busta Rhymes, plus the lead singer committed suicide a few years ago. I was not the target audience for the concert but going would win me marital cookie points, so it was easy to take one for the team. Since it was my idea, it was easy for me to be open minded about the experience (funny how that works, because if anyone had brought that idea to my doorstep, I would have asked you to pass the loud you ve been smoking).

We looked out of place in the queue to get in. Of course, we did, we are two grown ass adult at a rock concert, and it was a rock concert. I already told you all the information I had on Linkin Park, it is hip hop related, a small part of me was expecting an element of diversity in the crowd...they did a song with arguably the best rapper alive, surely some niggas would show up. Not a chance. It was just me and my wife and even though she was not dressed the same way as them she had the same look of excitement on her face.

I don't go to concert so I don't know how it works i.e the main person will play last, after a couple of opening acts. That is not technically true, I know that at a concert the smaller artists open for a main one, the headliner. But up until that night, that was just theoretical information, I had never had a reason to dig that fact out of my subconsciousness and apply it to reality. My inability to dig out that fact contributed to my facial expression after hearing the first opening act.

Tiwa is this Linkin Park

No o, I don't know what is going on but this is not a Linkin Park

Tiwa was also struggling to dig out the facts on rock concert process and procedures.

I don't know the right words to describe the sound this brother was making on stage, I have never heard it before. It was as if he was gurgling hot tar. It looked really painful, and I was actually impressed that a human being can produce this sound. I was in awe, the same type of awe you are in when you watch someone swallow a sword.

It would have been more impressive if he was a woman.

Tiwa was referring to the tar gurgler on stage and not a hypothetical sword swallower (this is an open invitation to take this paragraph into a different direction but I am choosing to be a gentleman).

Tiwa, I am coming, I need to collect fresh air, and hopefully hear a bird sing or something cos I need to reset my audio settings.

Tiwa looked perplexed, and she is the rock fan. I walked around the venue and then I noticed the posters with the line-ups, and the performance time for each act.

CLICK. Oh okay, thats my bad.

I was excited to go share my discovery with Tiwa, the Tar gurgler is just the opening act. She is now bopping along to the T.G who is now...rapping? T.G was now rapping...and this brother...this brother was doing ok. Now I am bopping along too...the magic of being open minded eh.

This guy is just the opening act, the tribute band are last.

Ohhhh yeahhhhh thats how they usually do it 

CLICK.

The guy switched between gurgling and rap gurgling for another 20 mins and then the second act came on. This band was fucking awesome. He was singing love songs in rock...(or just love songs, but you get the gist) and it sounded amazing. He had this meatloaf vibe going with his long hair and was gyrating on stage. It was beautiful. I like rock now. Rock love songs.

Finally it was time for the main act. Before I proceed, I know Linkin Park are a big deal and they have a massive fan base so I have no intention of slandering their music.That and the fact that overall I had a good time, the second act did a lot of the heavy lifting, but still, a good time was had. In fact, I had such a good time that if given a chance, I'd do it again. On one condition, I get to use the cocaine everyone used before the concert. The penny dropped after the tribute band was about 3 songs in; these niggas is on cocaine. Everyone around me is on cocaine. I looked around and I am sure I saw three prostitutes just...rocking on. It is disturbing that I am able to identify prostitutes in a club as if I have a whore-dar but not as disturbing as the guys that were with these prostitutes, they blew the prostitutes cover to be honest. Like I said everyone was on cocaine. Tiwa was cocaine high! I was so upset because how did she get to this level of being and I am not. She was doing the devil horn, sticking out her tongue like a wrestler and channelling her inner tar gurgler...

Mummy AJ! I cover you with the blood!

Cocaine high and I was not invited.

And this was just the tribute band, imagine going for the Linkin Park concert gangan. As I said, I am open to it, but I am gonna need that coke or at the very least, LSD. Rock vs Hip Hop made a bit more sense after that night. See hip hop is more weed, and then syrup, codeine...molly etc, drugs that slows you the fuck down. Cocaine is the only drug that is compatible to rock, and I am married to a woman that can get cocaine high under the right conditions, if only there was a way to harness the same high directly from her...what part of her do I need to sniff (another open invitation, but I am such a gentleman).

It was a fun and different experience, and it was fun seeing Tiwa in her element, even if I couldn't get on the same level.

A couple of weeks later Tiwa got us tickets to a sofa concert. That marital cookie points paid dividend really fast.

Part 2

Calling it a sofa concert is a bit of a reach, there were a few sofas at the venue, but it was first come first serve so not everyone was sitting a sofa. Just wanted to get that out of the way because I was lowkey pained I missed out on the sofa.

I love the idea though, an intimate gig with sofas around the stage with mystery artists that are revealed until a few minutes to the gig. The location of the gig is emailed to you the night before. The complete douche experience. Yes please.